Indecisive

I am indecisive.

I have OCD tendencies.
I can deal with that.
I am pretty stubborn.
I can control how stubborn I am.
These things are not that big a deal.

However, the fact that I am so indecisive is a big deal.
Because I feel like I can't always deal with it.
And because I feel like I can't control how indecisive I am.

It's truly a curse.
You'd think that it gives you more time to truly think things over - well, that's true, it does... but that means that it gives you more time to be anxious about whatever you're thinking about, or overwhelmed by everything that comes into play.

It basically took me seven months or so to decide to come to Utah over Florida State. It did come down to money, but FSU really didn't have the strength of the program that my major is included in, anyway. But still... I spent hours debating in my head about which school I should attend.

I don't like changing up the shampoo and conditioner I use because if I did, that means I would have to choose new ones among what seems like hundreds of choices. It's ridiculous. So I stick with the same kind very time, because it's tried and true. The same goes for things like laundry detergent, for goodness' sake.

I even spend more time than I should on thinking about what to write in this blog. My 'So Close' blog is easy. I just write down my thoughts on whatever spiritual idea, topic, verse, etc. is most dominant in my mind at the time. And I simply write my thoughts here, too. I don't put any effort into my writing, either way. But I do think about what I'm going to write about each day.

Being indecisive really is a downfall. I try to make things easier for myself and just say, "Ok, this is it. You're going to do this and not that. No more thinking about it." But five minutes, hours, or days later I find myself changing my mind about it and wanting to do something different.