Investigation

Saint Augustine's Confessions

Book I

5

'Who will grant me to rest content in you? To whom shall I turn for the gift of your coming into my heart and filling it to the brim, so that I may forget all the wrong I have done and embrace you alone, my only source of good?

Why do you mean so much to me? Help me to find words to explain. Why do I mean so much to you, that you should command me to love you? And if I fail to love you, you are angry and threaten me with great sorrow, as if not to love you were not sorrow enough in itself. Have pity on me and help me, O Lord my God. Tell me why you mean so much to me. Whisper in my ear, I am here to save you.[1] Speak so that I may hear your words. My heart has ears ready to listen to you, Lord. Open them wide and whisper in my heart, I am here to save you. I shall hear your voice and make haste to clasp you to myself. Do not hide your face away from me, for I would gladly meet my death to see it, since not to see it would be death indeed.

My soul is like a house, small for you to enter, but I pray you to enlarge it. It is in ruins, but I ask you to remake it. It contains much that you will not be pleased to see: this I know and do not hide. But who is to rid it of these things? There is no one but you to whom I can say: if I have sinned unwillingly do you absolve me. Keep me ever your own servant, far from pride.[2] I trust, and trusting I find words to utter.[3] Lord, you know that this is true. For have I not made my transgression known to you? Did you not remit the guilt of my sin?[4] I do not wrangle with you for judgment[5], for you are Truth itself, and I have no wish to delude myself, for fear that my malice should be self-betrayed.[6] No, I do not wrangle with you, for, if you, Lord, will keep record of our iniquities, Master, who has strength to bear it?[7]'

[1] Psalm 35:3
[2] Psalm 19:12,13
[3] Psalm 116:10
[4] Psalm 32:5
[5] See Jeremiah 2:29
[6] See Psalm 27:12
[7] Psalm 130:3