Alright.
I get it.
I understand.
Finally.
I am going to do this right.
[No ifs, ands, or buts about it.]
... Whatever "this" may be.
And it will be good.
Why?
Because God is good.
And God is in the middle of it all.
The way He should be...
I am ready to live my life - in all its facets - for God.
February 28, 2011
February 16, 2011
Proverbs
'... but the heart of the wicked is of little value.'
[Proverbs 10:20(b)]
Whoa... this verse really puts things into perspective for me. What does God desire? Righteousness. A pure heart. After all, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. If that of the heart is wicked/of little value, so are the words that come from the lips of that person... and so how can we expect to be used by God to advance His kingdom?
......
'The fear of the Lord adds length to life...'
[Proverbs 10:27(a)]
I wonder if by this, Solomon meant that fear of the Lord leads to eternal life... which is, in my opinion, certainly adding length to life! I mean, fear alone will not lead to eternity... but it does become a facet of one's faith as they come to call on the name of the Lord and believe that He reigns over their life. At least, it has for me.
......
'... and he who wins souls is wise.'
[Proverbs 11:30(b)]
I don't really know what to think of this verse. I mean... how would Solomon know what we usually mean by "winning" souls? Proverbs 11:30(a) speaks of the righteous' fruit being a tree of life, much like what we read Jesus saying in the New Testament. Hm.
......
'When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.]
[Proverbs 11:10-11]
Well, this doesn't have much to do with the actual proverbs, but it made me think... cities are no longer "divided" by those considered to be righteous or wicked. Not really, at least. And those who are true believers are not even entirely measurable.
......
'A friend loves at all times...'
[Proverbs 17:17(a)]
How true is this of most people - believers and nonbelievers alike? Do we truly love at all times? And not just our significant others, or those whom we are a friend to... but also our family members, those we serve, mere acquaintances, and strangers?
......
'The words of a man's mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.'
[Proverbs 18:4]
Deep waters... they may seem scary or intimidating. Overwhelming, even. But they eventually end. They only go so far down. And they may be still. Stagnant. You can drown in deep water[s]. But a [bubbling] brook.... this conjures thoughts of life. Movement. Renewal. A sweetness that pleases and satisfies. And while I'm sure it's possible, one is not terribly likely to drown in a brook. Our own words can be so dangerous and harmful, to both ourselves and others. We need to earnestly be seeking out wisdom, asking for it as a gift from God, in order to bless those around us. OR at the least, we should strive to place ourselves in the presence of those whom we believe to be wise. I think that would be one of the... wisest... things we could do for ourselves.
[Proverbs 10:20(b)]
Whoa... this verse really puts things into perspective for me. What does God desire? Righteousness. A pure heart. After all, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. If that of the heart is wicked/of little value, so are the words that come from the lips of that person... and so how can we expect to be used by God to advance His kingdom?
......
'The fear of the Lord adds length to life...'
[Proverbs 10:27(a)]
I wonder if by this, Solomon meant that fear of the Lord leads to eternal life... which is, in my opinion, certainly adding length to life! I mean, fear alone will not lead to eternity... but it does become a facet of one's faith as they come to call on the name of the Lord and believe that He reigns over their life. At least, it has for me.
......
'... and he who wins souls is wise.'
[Proverbs 11:30(b)]
I don't really know what to think of this verse. I mean... how would Solomon know what we usually mean by "winning" souls? Proverbs 11:30(a) speaks of the righteous' fruit being a tree of life, much like what we read Jesus saying in the New Testament. Hm.
......
'When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy. Through the blessing of the upright a city is exalted, but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed.]
[Proverbs 11:10-11]
Well, this doesn't have much to do with the actual proverbs, but it made me think... cities are no longer "divided" by those considered to be righteous or wicked. Not really, at least. And those who are true believers are not even entirely measurable.
......
'A friend loves at all times...'
[Proverbs 17:17(a)]
How true is this of most people - believers and nonbelievers alike? Do we truly love at all times? And not just our significant others, or those whom we are a friend to... but also our family members, those we serve, mere acquaintances, and strangers?
......
'The words of a man's mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.'
[Proverbs 18:4]
Deep waters... they may seem scary or intimidating. Overwhelming, even. But they eventually end. They only go so far down. And they may be still. Stagnant. You can drown in deep water[s]. But a [bubbling] brook.... this conjures thoughts of life. Movement. Renewal. A sweetness that pleases and satisfies. And while I'm sure it's possible, one is not terribly likely to drown in a brook. Our own words can be so dangerous and harmful, to both ourselves and others. We need to earnestly be seeking out wisdom, asking for it as a gift from God, in order to bless those around us. OR at the least, we should strive to place ourselves in the presence of those whom we believe to be wise. I think that would be one of the... wisest... things we could do for ourselves.
February 15, 2011
"Notes"
I just started going through my notebook to tear out the pages that do not contain any class notes - which are a lot. I like to doodle and write random things too greatly... Anyway, I found a few things I'd like to just copy down to keep for later.
20. January 2010:
'Natalie's Mix 7' on the iPod...
... made in the summer of 2005.
Lemon Lift in the chicken mug...
... decaf and a hint of sugar? Yes, please.
The WSC...
... friends in sight, yet quiet enough to be pleasant.
Thankfulness abounds...
... oh, to be content!
Simple pleasures - cliché? Perhaps. But these things are truly what I do appreciate in life. And it is a hope of mine that others are able to come to appreciate them, too.
Tired.
A bit anxious... strange, actually.
And yet I am happy.
I don't feel grouchy or impatient.
I don't feel disappointed or worried.
However, I can't seem to discern whether I am choosing to be like this, or if it is a plain reality, as a matter-of-fact. Is this my true nature, and yet I choose at other times to act in an opposing manner? Why am I having trouble figuring this out? Shouldn't I know myself well enough by now to recognize what is true of myself and what is not? For goodness' sake... peace, peace, Natalie. You know yourself better than you currently are thinking. There is no true need to ask questions, or - God forbid - worry. As long as I am [generally] striving to be the woman of God that He created me to be, I have nothing to fear. His presence in my life is ultimately what matters the most. My identity, as well, is in Christ. And through Him I will all the more understand myself, I believe.
......
23. January 2011:
Baptized.
One year.
One year of trials and triumphs.
One year of sorrows and joys.
One year of mistakes and learning.
One year fully alive in Christ.
Christ, my King.
Christ, my Lord.
Christ, my Savior.
Oh, to be free in the love of my God. I feel that people often take this beautiful blessing for granted. What a shame... We should capitalize on the fact that we have no chains to hold us down. What should we fear? Nothing. Who can cause us to fret? No one. The fear of God displaces all other fears. OR at least it should... so what holds us back? I mean, are we truly living the way that we should be? Do we fully meet God's expectations? Are we following His rules for holy living, as Paul iterated to the Colossians? Are we living a worshipful lifestyle? Do we offer up a pleasing sacrifice to Him through our consistent prayers and praises? We can always do more... always. He is so very worthy of honor and glory.
I am loved. So very, very loved. Now, while I "know" this is true - and do not doubt the fact - it is still good to remind myself, I feel. Not so much for vanity or pride's sake, but rather to simply help myself remember to count all my blessings, and thank my Lord God. He has done, is doing, and will do more than I deserve... for me. A sinner. And for all of man, truly. Sometimes I find myself pettily worrying that He doesn't know how thankful I truly am. But He's God! He knows my inner heart, soul, and mind. And I wonder if this lifetime holds enough time to spend thanking Him, anyway... I personally doubt it. Fortunately, I get to spend eternity praising Him - what an uplifting thought and realization!
......
26. January 2011:
Oh Lord God, how I do need You. You are the Sustainer of all things. And the fact that I only need to hunger and thirst after You astounds me. How can it be that I am able to find my identity in Christ alone? This is a blessing that I desire to take full advantage of. Show me, Lord God - teach me. Mold me to Your liking and help me to follow Your will for my life at all times. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
......
27. January 2011:
Fear God... not people.
Love God... and people.
Is my body truly stronger than the spirit that my Lord God bestowed upon me? Will I honestly allow my flesh to overpower my convictions and beliefs? Satan is not going to have a stronghold in my life. He's simply not. Lord God, reign over my life with Your mighty hand. Give me strength and boldness. Love me so that I know how to love others. Provide me with an extra portion of patience. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
......
30. January 2011:
There is a God.
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born, crucified, and resurrected. He will return to us in the future.
The Holy Spirit dwells within the hearts of believers.
Baptism is a part of a complete faith, and commanded of us. Whether it is essential for salvation I am truly unsure... but doubtful.
Laws are in place under the ultimate authority of God. However, it is [seemingly] "up to us to decide" how we... choose... to view and follow them.
Passions and desires are instilled within us by God. And He desires to help us, guide us. He loves us.
Abilities, gifts, and skills are also given to us by God, as are opportunities to acquire... well... more.
Personally, I believe He has bestowed upon me the following [among a variety of other things]: mercy and compassion, hospitality, shepherding and teaching, language and communication, organization and administration.
God doesn't waste anything... [God's economy!]
I am a very passionate person. I can be very outgoing but also reserved, depending on the people I am around and situational circumstances. I also classify myself as an extroverted introvert. I am loyal. I am a realist. And both optimistic and pessimistic, though optimistic more so. I think I have a peace/safe affect on people. I care more for people than I [usually] let on.
I like to be led.
I like to help.
I like to be alone, but not ignored.
I like to listen, but sometimes need to be listened to.
I like to be asked thought-provoking questions.
I love being outdoors; nature draws me close to God and humbles me.
I don't mind saying that I am/was wrong about something. It's easy.
I rarely feel that I have to have the last word.
I have no idea what I'll end up doing - or "being" - in the future.
Sometimes I find myself doubting... myself. But I am quickly able to reassure myself - mostly because of my God, Who is so very good. Okay, more like entirely because of my God.
I am so glad that I am close with my [immediate] family - especially my mom. That mother-daughter relationship is incredibly important, I believe, and so I am grateful that we have a healthy relationship.
One of my favorite things is seeing God using everyday events with ordinary people to teach me something.
......
4. February 2011:
O God, MY God,
You hold my tiny life in Your hands. You know me better than I know myself. You placed passions into my heart that I continually discover, even now. So I ask, Lord God, that You would help me to discover Your purpose... Your purpose for my being here, Your purpose for Your children. I ask that You would show me plainly - through my peers, friends, teachers, family, Your word, etc. - what You desire of me, especially within this next year and a half. This summer... next year at school... after graduation... Close doors that I have [or plan to] set my foot into, if those paths are not part of the route You want me on. Guide me to a specific ministry opportunity that will spur me onwards to be part of a long-term ministry, perhaps. Lord God, bring into my life someone who can help me focus my skills and passions into a ministry. "Team" me up with others whom I can work with, either domestically or overseas. Keep me open. Keep me... flexible. Keep me calm, and without worry, anxiety, or stress. Let me disciple girls. Let me write. Let me minister to Muslims or international students. Place people in my path whom I know [by the prompting of the Holy Spirit] You want me to talk with. Help me listen. Spark a fire in my heart, my soul, and my very God-given spirit... and make it so intense that I cannot help but praise You and speak the Gospel. Help me love others the way You want me to. USE ME. Lord God, help me focus on prayer, especially for others. Develop the prayer warrior within me, and help me to allow Your Spirit rise up within me to intercede. Be a strong presence in my life; make Yourself known to those whom I am around and interact with. Shine, O God. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
[Just a note: it was very interesting to read through this, because I realized that a few things from this particular prayer have been recently answered by God. Oh, how He is faithful... mmm. Thanks be to God.]
......
6. February 2011:
Why is that we are so quick to gather and support and "praise" and reflect and analyze a sports team or two... discuss strategy and plays and players and history... and yet we aren't readily doing so in fellowship and worship to our Lord God? What a shame.
......
10. February 2011:
Make my soul come alive, O God!
Stir Your Spirit within me.
MOVE.
I still desire to encounter You.
Show Yourself to me in the small things.
......
12. February 2011:
[1 Corinthians 2:14]
Are the [spiritual] things from/of God foolish to you?
Maybe this is as good as it's going to get. We know - and believe - that God is the Father, His Son died for us, and the Holy Spirit lives inside of us. Perhaps that's all we really need. Love God, love people. That's all. But to answer questions and reach out to others, I feel that we truly do need to "know" more... doctrinal truths, apologetic defenses, the deeper things... so how do we gain a better understanding of them? Should we rely on what men have produced, believing the Spirit has helped them, and we don't "need" His [specific] help in these days? Or does He still give a special understanding to us these days... help us... if we ask for it? Or even if we don't ask... Does He give us clarity and understanding when it comes to His word, more specifically after we are baptized? Oh, controversy...
The Holy Spirit has convicted us.
We believe.
... Saved.
He dwells within us. Perhaps that is the major "help" that Jesus and Paul spoke of. We desire to live righteous and holy lives, repenting and making disciples. We read the word of God and have a general understanding. Jesus is our Bread and Water of Life. Sustainer. This makes sense. We have a personal relationship with Him. We know what that means and what it should generally look like. To those who don't know Jesus, or believe... "it" doesn't make sense. They misread things, they take stories and passages and verses and words out of context. They do not understand. That basic clarity is not there. Not until the Spirit "helps" them read into it and convicts them and makes things clear. He makes it click in their minds and in their hearts. Then He helps us to continue to live in Christ. Guides us. Helps us share our faith and our God. We will never fully understand anything. We simply must accept it.
Lord God,
I thank You for being the Ruler of all that You have created. I thank You for that which I do not understand, because it reminds me of how very small I am. But I seek to know more, and understand things that will help me share my faith and teach others about You. Lord God, I ask that You would give Your followers clarity in their reading of Your holy word. Let them draw the true meaning from what they read and hear. I ask that You would bestow the true gift of wisdom upon them. We desire to help Your children, Lord God, especially those who do not yet know You or have a relationship with You. Clear away any feelings of confusion or frustration. Do not let them feel lost or despaired. Help them, Spirit. Speak to them and reveal Your will for their lives, O God. Guide and direct them where You desire them to be, all the while molding and forming them to be the disciples You created them to be. Remind them to fully rely on You, trusting You like never before. Use them. Engage them in conversations with fellow believers so that they can all learn from one another... iron sharpens iron... Help them to focus on what is truly important, Lord God. You are just so good. Thank You for what You are doing in my life. Thank You for loving me. Help me to honestly love You more. Stir Your Spirit within me, and move my soul to worship You continuously. Let me - help me - walk in the Spirit, as I live by the Spirit. Shine on me, and through me. Direct the gazes of Your children to Your throne. I love You, Lord. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
20. January 2010:
'Natalie's Mix 7' on the iPod...
... made in the summer of 2005.
Lemon Lift in the chicken mug...
... decaf and a hint of sugar? Yes, please.
The WSC...
... friends in sight, yet quiet enough to be pleasant.
Thankfulness abounds...
... oh, to be content!
Simple pleasures - cliché? Perhaps. But these things are truly what I do appreciate in life. And it is a hope of mine that others are able to come to appreciate them, too.
Tired.
A bit anxious... strange, actually.
And yet I am happy.
I don't feel grouchy or impatient.
I don't feel disappointed or worried.
However, I can't seem to discern whether I am choosing to be like this, or if it is a plain reality, as a matter-of-fact. Is this my true nature, and yet I choose at other times to act in an opposing manner? Why am I having trouble figuring this out? Shouldn't I know myself well enough by now to recognize what is true of myself and what is not? For goodness' sake... peace, peace, Natalie. You know yourself better than you currently are thinking. There is no true need to ask questions, or - God forbid - worry. As long as I am [generally] striving to be the woman of God that He created me to be, I have nothing to fear. His presence in my life is ultimately what matters the most. My identity, as well, is in Christ. And through Him I will all the more understand myself, I believe.
......
23. January 2011:
Baptized.
One year.
One year of trials and triumphs.
One year of sorrows and joys.
One year of mistakes and learning.
One year fully alive in Christ.
Christ, my King.
Christ, my Lord.
Christ, my Savior.
Oh, to be free in the love of my God. I feel that people often take this beautiful blessing for granted. What a shame... We should capitalize on the fact that we have no chains to hold us down. What should we fear? Nothing. Who can cause us to fret? No one. The fear of God displaces all other fears. OR at least it should... so what holds us back? I mean, are we truly living the way that we should be? Do we fully meet God's expectations? Are we following His rules for holy living, as Paul iterated to the Colossians? Are we living a worshipful lifestyle? Do we offer up a pleasing sacrifice to Him through our consistent prayers and praises? We can always do more... always. He is so very worthy of honor and glory.
I am loved. So very, very loved. Now, while I "know" this is true - and do not doubt the fact - it is still good to remind myself, I feel. Not so much for vanity or pride's sake, but rather to simply help myself remember to count all my blessings, and thank my Lord God. He has done, is doing, and will do more than I deserve... for me. A sinner. And for all of man, truly. Sometimes I find myself pettily worrying that He doesn't know how thankful I truly am. But He's God! He knows my inner heart, soul, and mind. And I wonder if this lifetime holds enough time to spend thanking Him, anyway... I personally doubt it. Fortunately, I get to spend eternity praising Him - what an uplifting thought and realization!
......
26. January 2011:
Oh Lord God, how I do need You. You are the Sustainer of all things. And the fact that I only need to hunger and thirst after You astounds me. How can it be that I am able to find my identity in Christ alone? This is a blessing that I desire to take full advantage of. Show me, Lord God - teach me. Mold me to Your liking and help me to follow Your will for my life at all times. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
......
27. January 2011:
Fear God... not people.
Love God... and people.
Is my body truly stronger than the spirit that my Lord God bestowed upon me? Will I honestly allow my flesh to overpower my convictions and beliefs? Satan is not going to have a stronghold in my life. He's simply not. Lord God, reign over my life with Your mighty hand. Give me strength and boldness. Love me so that I know how to love others. Provide me with an extra portion of patience. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
......
30. January 2011:
There is a God.
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born, crucified, and resurrected. He will return to us in the future.
The Holy Spirit dwells within the hearts of believers.
Baptism is a part of a complete faith, and commanded of us. Whether it is essential for salvation I am truly unsure... but doubtful.
Laws are in place under the ultimate authority of God. However, it is [seemingly] "up to us to decide" how we... choose... to view and follow them.
Passions and desires are instilled within us by God. And He desires to help us, guide us. He loves us.
Abilities, gifts, and skills are also given to us by God, as are opportunities to acquire... well... more.
Personally, I believe He has bestowed upon me the following [among a variety of other things]: mercy and compassion, hospitality, shepherding and teaching, language and communication, organization and administration.
God doesn't waste anything... [God's economy!]
I am a very passionate person. I can be very outgoing but also reserved, depending on the people I am around and situational circumstances. I also classify myself as an extroverted introvert. I am loyal. I am a realist. And both optimistic and pessimistic, though optimistic more so. I think I have a peace/safe affect on people. I care more for people than I [usually] let on.
I like to be led.
I like to help.
I like to be alone, but not ignored.
I like to listen, but sometimes need to be listened to.
I like to be asked thought-provoking questions.
I love being outdoors; nature draws me close to God and humbles me.
I don't mind saying that I am/was wrong about something. It's easy.
I rarely feel that I have to have the last word.
I have no idea what I'll end up doing - or "being" - in the future.
Sometimes I find myself doubting... myself. But I am quickly able to reassure myself - mostly because of my God, Who is so very good. Okay, more like entirely because of my God.
I am so glad that I am close with my [immediate] family - especially my mom. That mother-daughter relationship is incredibly important, I believe, and so I am grateful that we have a healthy relationship.
One of my favorite things is seeing God using everyday events with ordinary people to teach me something.
......
4. February 2011:
O God, MY God,
You hold my tiny life in Your hands. You know me better than I know myself. You placed passions into my heart that I continually discover, even now. So I ask, Lord God, that You would help me to discover Your purpose... Your purpose for my being here, Your purpose for Your children. I ask that You would show me plainly - through my peers, friends, teachers, family, Your word, etc. - what You desire of me, especially within this next year and a half. This summer... next year at school... after graduation... Close doors that I have [or plan to] set my foot into, if those paths are not part of the route You want me on. Guide me to a specific ministry opportunity that will spur me onwards to be part of a long-term ministry, perhaps. Lord God, bring into my life someone who can help me focus my skills and passions into a ministry. "Team" me up with others whom I can work with, either domestically or overseas. Keep me open. Keep me... flexible. Keep me calm, and without worry, anxiety, or stress. Let me disciple girls. Let me write. Let me minister to Muslims or international students. Place people in my path whom I know [by the prompting of the Holy Spirit] You want me to talk with. Help me listen. Spark a fire in my heart, my soul, and my very God-given spirit... and make it so intense that I cannot help but praise You and speak the Gospel. Help me love others the way You want me to. USE ME. Lord God, help me focus on prayer, especially for others. Develop the prayer warrior within me, and help me to allow Your Spirit rise up within me to intercede. Be a strong presence in my life; make Yourself known to those whom I am around and interact with. Shine, O God. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
[Just a note: it was very interesting to read through this, because I realized that a few things from this particular prayer have been recently answered by God. Oh, how He is faithful... mmm. Thanks be to God.]
......
6. February 2011:
Why is that we are so quick to gather and support and "praise" and reflect and analyze a sports team or two... discuss strategy and plays and players and history... and yet we aren't readily doing so in fellowship and worship to our Lord God? What a shame.
......
10. February 2011:
Make my soul come alive, O God!
Stir Your Spirit within me.
MOVE.
I still desire to encounter You.
Show Yourself to me in the small things.
......
12. February 2011:
[1 Corinthians 2:14]
Are the [spiritual] things from/of God foolish to you?
Maybe this is as good as it's going to get. We know - and believe - that God is the Father, His Son died for us, and the Holy Spirit lives inside of us. Perhaps that's all we really need. Love God, love people. That's all. But to answer questions and reach out to others, I feel that we truly do need to "know" more... doctrinal truths, apologetic defenses, the deeper things... so how do we gain a better understanding of them? Should we rely on what men have produced, believing the Spirit has helped them, and we don't "need" His [specific] help in these days? Or does He still give a special understanding to us these days... help us... if we ask for it? Or even if we don't ask... Does He give us clarity and understanding when it comes to His word, more specifically after we are baptized? Oh, controversy...
The Holy Spirit has convicted us.
We believe.
... Saved.
He dwells within us. Perhaps that is the major "help" that Jesus and Paul spoke of. We desire to live righteous and holy lives, repenting and making disciples. We read the word of God and have a general understanding. Jesus is our Bread and Water of Life. Sustainer. This makes sense. We have a personal relationship with Him. We know what that means and what it should generally look like. To those who don't know Jesus, or believe... "it" doesn't make sense. They misread things, they take stories and passages and verses and words out of context. They do not understand. That basic clarity is not there. Not until the Spirit "helps" them read into it and convicts them and makes things clear. He makes it click in their minds and in their hearts. Then He helps us to continue to live in Christ. Guides us. Helps us share our faith and our God. We will never fully understand anything. We simply must accept it.
Lord God,
I thank You for being the Ruler of all that You have created. I thank You for that which I do not understand, because it reminds me of how very small I am. But I seek to know more, and understand things that will help me share my faith and teach others about You. Lord God, I ask that You would give Your followers clarity in their reading of Your holy word. Let them draw the true meaning from what they read and hear. I ask that You would bestow the true gift of wisdom upon them. We desire to help Your children, Lord God, especially those who do not yet know You or have a relationship with You. Clear away any feelings of confusion or frustration. Do not let them feel lost or despaired. Help them, Spirit. Speak to them and reveal Your will for their lives, O God. Guide and direct them where You desire them to be, all the while molding and forming them to be the disciples You created them to be. Remind them to fully rely on You, trusting You like never before. Use them. Engage them in conversations with fellow believers so that they can all learn from one another... iron sharpens iron... Help them to focus on what is truly important, Lord God. You are just so good. Thank You for what You are doing in my life. Thank You for loving me. Help me to honestly love You more. Stir Your Spirit within me, and move my soul to worship You continuously. Let me - help me - walk in the Spirit, as I live by the Spirit. Shine on me, and through me. Direct the gazes of Your children to Your throne. I love You, Lord. I pray these things in Your Son's name. Amen.
February 14, 2011
Processing
Wow. What a weekend!
I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind right now.
First and foremost?
- God is good.
Man oh man God is good!
Anyway.
More thoughts.
- I am very excited for the remainder of the semester.
... Especially for helping with the children/youth of Queen City CC.
- I am also very excited for next year.
... Which I will be spending at CCCB.
- I am thankful for the development of friendships.
... And for my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Also.
- I have dreams.
["Finally."]
Want to know about my favorite?
It's the one that got the ball rolling from one dream to the next.
I want land.
Not a ton of land.
Just... enough.
Going with one of my bucket list items, I want to use that land to plant an orchard. Previously I had said I wanted to plant peach trees. As great as that still sounds, I think I'd rather plant an apple orchard. Did you know that apple trees need other apple trees around them in order to grow and bear fruit? Moving on, I'd sell the fruit to local markets, and also make and sell delicious apple treats and beverages. I want the orchard to be open to the public. And bring in people from my church family for Bible studies and small groups and worship services, sitting underneath the shade of the apple trees. I also want land to develop garden plots. I want people who come from low-income families - especially youth - to be able to come and grow their own plants. Fruit. Vegetables. Herbs. Teach them, give them responsibility, and the opportunity to see the [literal, perhaps] fruit(s) of their labor. I also want to refurbish an old barn or farmhouse. I want that space to be available to anyone and everyone. I would love to have a few rooms in which people could stay, but also have space for community and fellowship and worship and prayer and meals and retreat. Peace and quiet. Organized chaos. A home away from home. And speaking of homes, I would have my own cottage-y home tucked away somewhere. What else... oh right, I decided that this land must have a pond. Preferably a stream running through it. Wooded areas. A gazebo. And a swing.
That's all.
A bit outrageous, considering I don't have any agricultural or business experience... but it's my dream. Mine. And it is special to me. If only, if only... hm. Perhaps one day I'll gather enough courage to ask God for it.
More thoughts.
- It is fascinating to think about how greatly ministry can affect people.
Draw people together. Help them grow. Learn.
This is... good. Very good.
- My dad's procedure went well. He is very sore and tired, but we are hoping and praying for good results! Ever since I talked to my mom and dad this evening, I cry whenever I think about my dad. That's been... silly. But it's okay. ... Dang it! Yep, here come the tears...
- Boys are stupid.
... Some of them.
- I am really glad that I no longer have a 9:05 class, given that it is 1:42 in the morning as I type this.
- Hummus is yummus.
- I love tea.
- Misty Edwards [a musician] is really fantastic.
... Check out her song Arms Wide Open from her 'Fling Wide' album.
- I cannot wait to go home on Friday.
- I'm sleepy.
:)
I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind right now.
First and foremost?
- God is good.
Man oh man God is good!
Anyway.
More thoughts.
- I am very excited for the remainder of the semester.
... Especially for helping with the children/youth of Queen City CC.
- I am also very excited for next year.
... Which I will be spending at CCCB.
- I am thankful for the development of friendships.
... And for my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Also.
- I have dreams.
["Finally."]
Want to know about my favorite?
It's the one that got the ball rolling from one dream to the next.
I want land.
Not a ton of land.
Just... enough.
Going with one of my bucket list items, I want to use that land to plant an orchard. Previously I had said I wanted to plant peach trees. As great as that still sounds, I think I'd rather plant an apple orchard. Did you know that apple trees need other apple trees around them in order to grow and bear fruit? Moving on, I'd sell the fruit to local markets, and also make and sell delicious apple treats and beverages. I want the orchard to be open to the public. And bring in people from my church family for Bible studies and small groups and worship services, sitting underneath the shade of the apple trees. I also want land to develop garden plots. I want people who come from low-income families - especially youth - to be able to come and grow their own plants. Fruit. Vegetables. Herbs. Teach them, give them responsibility, and the opportunity to see the [literal, perhaps] fruit(s) of their labor. I also want to refurbish an old barn or farmhouse. I want that space to be available to anyone and everyone. I would love to have a few rooms in which people could stay, but also have space for community and fellowship and worship and prayer and meals and retreat. Peace and quiet. Organized chaos. A home away from home. And speaking of homes, I would have my own cottage-y home tucked away somewhere. What else... oh right, I decided that this land must have a pond. Preferably a stream running through it. Wooded areas. A gazebo. And a swing.
That's all.
A bit outrageous, considering I don't have any agricultural or business experience... but it's my dream. Mine. And it is special to me. If only, if only... hm. Perhaps one day I'll gather enough courage to ask God for it.
More thoughts.
- It is fascinating to think about how greatly ministry can affect people.
Draw people together. Help them grow. Learn.
This is... good. Very good.
- My dad's procedure went well. He is very sore and tired, but we are hoping and praying for good results! Ever since I talked to my mom and dad this evening, I cry whenever I think about my dad. That's been... silly. But it's okay. ... Dang it! Yep, here come the tears...
- Boys are stupid.
... Some of them.
- I am really glad that I no longer have a 9:05 class, given that it is 1:42 in the morning as I type this.
- Hummus is yummus.
- I love tea.
- Misty Edwards [a musician] is really fantastic.
... Check out her song Arms Wide Open from her 'Fling Wide' album.
- I cannot wait to go home on Friday.
- I'm sleepy.
:)
February 10, 2011
Shatter
Why do we feel that we have to cover up what we are truly feeling?
Masks of joy.
Masks of calm.
Masks of peace.
Masks of cheer.
Masks of happiness.
If we are hurting, why don't we let it be known?
If we are in need, why don't we let it be known?
What makes us believe that we are strong enough to continuously hold up the walls that we build? Our walls to defend. To protect. To reroute. To divide. These walls are weak. Finite. Stupid, really, because one way or another, they will come down. Probably when we least expect them to. By God or by man, they will fall. It is simply a matter of time. And perhaps prayer... a little or a lot, prayer can and will make an impact on those walls.
When those walls come down, we will be seen for what we are. Vulnerable. Pitiful. Pathetic. Naked. And so we clothe ourselves with pride and false senses of righteousness, donning those masks. Perhaps they're not as "strong" as those walls. But we figure they will do the job. Yet to use them in attempting to fool others is just... wrong. Besides, masks are uncomfortable. Ill-fitting. Like walls, neither are they unbreakable. They will crack. They will break. And sooner or later, people will see through them. Most importantly, God can always see you. He knows what we try to do... what we try to hide. Our efforts are pointless! They will, in the end, fail!
Isn't it better to just... "give up"... and let people in? Let them see you! Let them see your fears and your failures, your concerns and weaknesses. Let them help you. But let them also see your joys and your hopes, your dreams and strengths. Use these things to help others. Be united in love. Be united in Christ.
Masks of joy.
Masks of calm.
Masks of peace.
Masks of cheer.
Masks of happiness.
If we are hurting, why don't we let it be known?
If we are in need, why don't we let it be known?
What makes us believe that we are strong enough to continuously hold up the walls that we build? Our walls to defend. To protect. To reroute. To divide. These walls are weak. Finite. Stupid, really, because one way or another, they will come down. Probably when we least expect them to. By God or by man, they will fall. It is simply a matter of time. And perhaps prayer... a little or a lot, prayer can and will make an impact on those walls.
When those walls come down, we will be seen for what we are. Vulnerable. Pitiful. Pathetic. Naked. And so we clothe ourselves with pride and false senses of righteousness, donning those masks. Perhaps they're not as "strong" as those walls. But we figure they will do the job. Yet to use them in attempting to fool others is just... wrong. Besides, masks are uncomfortable. Ill-fitting. Like walls, neither are they unbreakable. They will crack. They will break. And sooner or later, people will see through them. Most importantly, God can always see you. He knows what we try to do... what we try to hide. Our efforts are pointless! They will, in the end, fail!
Isn't it better to just... "give up"... and let people in? Let them see you! Let them see your fears and your failures, your concerns and weaknesses. Let them help you. But let them also see your joys and your hopes, your dreams and strengths. Use these things to help others. Be united in love. Be united in Christ.
February 6, 2011
A Challenge: DREAM
I actually sort of wrote about dreams in my other blog a couple weeks ago. But I had my Focused class this weekend and something came up during it about dreams. A Focused class is an intensive learning class that occurs during three weekends throughout the semester. This semester I am taking Cross-Cultural Methods & Strategies with Dr. Curtice. I had been looking forward to this class ever since I learned about it in first coming to Central. At first, I was a bit disappointed... but over the weekend it got better and better. ANYWAY. Basically, it all came down to this: don't be afraid to dream. And don't be afraid to dream or ask for the [seemingly] impossible. Our God is big. Much bigger than you, and much bigger than your dreams. And our God is good. He instilled passions and dreams within you, desires of the heart that are actually desires of His heart.
I don't think that I have ever taken the time to just sit down and... truly dream. Daydream during class? Oh yes. But dream for myself? No. No, I haven't. And I certainly do not mean that I simply haven't been selfish enough to do so. Because I have. Too selfish, in fact. I just haven't thought about it a lot; and dreaming for oneself is not such a bad thing. Bucket lists [as posted on this blog] and ministry/family dreams [as posted on the other blog] aside... What do I want to do? What do I want to see? Where do I want to go? What do I want to happen? And what about others? How can my dreams affect others in a positive manner, you know? What kind of dreams would allow me to help people? How big do I dare to dream? I mean, as aforementioned, Dr. Curtice said to dream the impossible. He also let it be known that while there is nothing wrong with taking the time to dream of "wants" [his personal example: a sports car]... perhaps you should at least have a list of dreams that are that less materialistic, in a sense. He challenged us to think of five things. Five. Five dreams. That's all. Well let me tell you, to list five dreams sounds very overwhelming to me. Dr. Curtice gave us the opportunity to give an example of our dreams in class, and I wasn't able to do so. I was thinking, and thinking, and thinking... but nothing really came to mind. There were only two of us [out of six] who didn't say anything. The other girl, I know, is just really shy and doesn't share much at all as it is. But I would have had no problem sharing, had I actually had an inkling of something to share!
So this week, I plan to dream.
Ever since Dr. Curtice challenged us on Friday night, a lot of things have been swirling around in my mind. But nothing is really coming together. This isn't a big deal... or is it? Is it just for fun? Or should I be taking it seriously, even going before my Lord God? I even posted yesterday: REVEAL and DEVELOP are my "theme" words... hm. I wasn't even thinking about this challenge when I posted that. Oh boy. I hope I don't have a lot of homework this week. :)
I don't think that I have ever taken the time to just sit down and... truly dream. Daydream during class? Oh yes. But dream for myself? No. No, I haven't. And I certainly do not mean that I simply haven't been selfish enough to do so. Because I have. Too selfish, in fact. I just haven't thought about it a lot; and dreaming for oneself is not such a bad thing. Bucket lists [as posted on this blog] and ministry/family dreams [as posted on the other blog] aside... What do I want to do? What do I want to see? Where do I want to go? What do I want to happen? And what about others? How can my dreams affect others in a positive manner, you know? What kind of dreams would allow me to help people? How big do I dare to dream? I mean, as aforementioned, Dr. Curtice said to dream the impossible. He also let it be known that while there is nothing wrong with taking the time to dream of "wants" [his personal example: a sports car]... perhaps you should at least have a list of dreams that are that less materialistic, in a sense. He challenged us to think of five things. Five. Five dreams. That's all. Well let me tell you, to list five dreams sounds very overwhelming to me. Dr. Curtice gave us the opportunity to give an example of our dreams in class, and I wasn't able to do so. I was thinking, and thinking, and thinking... but nothing really came to mind. There were only two of us [out of six] who didn't say anything. The other girl, I know, is just really shy and doesn't share much at all as it is. But I would have had no problem sharing, had I actually had an inkling of something to share!
So this week, I plan to dream.
Ever since Dr. Curtice challenged us on Friday night, a lot of things have been swirling around in my mind. But nothing is really coming together. This isn't a big deal... or is it? Is it just for fun? Or should I be taking it seriously, even going before my Lord God? I even posted yesterday: REVEAL and DEVELOP are my "theme" words... hm. I wasn't even thinking about this challenge when I posted that. Oh boy. I hope I don't have a lot of homework this week. :)
February 5, 2011
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