Just... be.

I haven't been able to be at Queen City as a sponsor the past three Sundays. My friend Jordan, the youth pastor, has told me that the kids have missed me.

Two days ago my friend and RA, Jenn, asked me to take her to a clinic and then later the hospital due to a terrible reaction to poison ivy.

I don't often feel needed or wanted.
So these... situations... have been encouraging.

I didn't like the circumstances surrounding each situation, of course.
But I'm glad that things played out the way they did.

Yet after some thinking... I can't decide if I am pleased, or saddened, by these things. This is basically the first time I've truly - wholeheartedly, honestly - felt needed/wanted since I've been at CCCB. For something other than selfish gain or motivation, that is... Or where I was asked to do something by another, not out of haste, or because someone else backed down and I was in the right place at the right time.

And I mean, I haven't even really done anything for the youth group, and didn't really "do" anything for Jenn. I've just sort of... been there... for said people. Which, I suppose, is good. It is. And sometimes... that's all that is truly needed... being with someone. Simply sitting with another can be... powerful. Moving. Meaningful. It says a lot, I think, in letting the other person know that you "are there for them". That you desire to be of help, of service, if necessary. That you are available to answer questions, discuss something, pray, laugh, praise God with them... and that is good.

So why am I dissatisfied?
Why can't I be content with this feeling?
Why isn't it enough?
Or not good enough?
Do I not fully believe that God can use me in this way?
Do I not really appreciate what God has given me in regards to patience and the ability to listen? Are these things not gifts?
They are good.
And good can come from my "using" them.

I need to trust.
Trust more.
Trust that God can and will use me to serve His people.
His Kingdom.
Trust that I actually do matter more than I think I do.
Trust that my presence - my simply "being there" - means something to others, even when I do not realize it.

... I am His beloved, and He will not let me down.

His plans.
His timing.
His prompting.

To His name, be the glory.