I am so ready for a new year.
Just sayin'.
December 29, 2010
December 8, 2010
Set
As I sit at the end of my dorm hallway to stress and worry about all that I have yet to do before break begins next weekend, I have found myself thinking, 'I wish more was expected of me.'
[Reading and notes and assignments and papers and quizzes and tests and service hours and churchgoing and community group and work aside, that is. Ah, such is life as a Bible college student.]
I am a brat who has been allowed to get away with an awful lot.
An awful lot of crap, I mean.
People do not understand what accountability and intentionality mean.
Truly.
Or, if they do, they do not seem to apply either of these things to their lives. And their apathy towards either can even have an affect on the lives of others. What great things can come from holding others accountable for their words and actions - or lack thereof. The desire for intentional relationships that include [intentional!] loving confrontation can do a world of good for all parties involved, if the Holy Spirit is "allowed" to lead.
But often we do not realize the great importance of these things and they are simply not a part of us/our lives. We don't know what we're missing out on. So when we are presented with opportunities to let them into our lives because of people who do understand what they mean and their importance, it can be... stretching. We certainly do learn from experience. And, at times, how can we expect to help others unless we go through that which they struggle with? I think that honestly, we cannot hold others accountable or truly be intentional towards/with others until we are held accountable, and until others regard us with intentionality.
... That's expecting a lot from people.
But really, we should be.
Expecting a lot, I mean.
And I think... I know... that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I think people simply don't know how to communicate it.
Or they're too scared to try.
Or they've tried before but nothing happens or changes.
Or... fill in the blank.
So perhaps I don't mean that I wish more was expected of me.
Because as I said, I believe - I know - that it is.
Rather, I wish people would let it be known that which they expect.
[A higher standard, truly.]
[Reading and notes and assignments and papers and quizzes and tests and service hours and churchgoing and community group and work aside, that is. Ah, such is life as a Bible college student.]
I am a brat who has been allowed to get away with an awful lot.
An awful lot of crap, I mean.
People do not understand what accountability and intentionality mean.
Truly.
Or, if they do, they do not seem to apply either of these things to their lives. And their apathy towards either can even have an affect on the lives of others. What great things can come from holding others accountable for their words and actions - or lack thereof. The desire for intentional relationships that include [intentional!] loving confrontation can do a world of good for all parties involved, if the Holy Spirit is "allowed" to lead.
But often we do not realize the great importance of these things and they are simply not a part of us/our lives. We don't know what we're missing out on. So when we are presented with opportunities to let them into our lives because of people who do understand what they mean and their importance, it can be... stretching. We certainly do learn from experience. And, at times, how can we expect to help others unless we go through that which they struggle with? I think that honestly, we cannot hold others accountable or truly be intentional towards/with others until we are held accountable, and until others regard us with intentionality.
... That's expecting a lot from people.
But really, we should be.
Expecting a lot, I mean.
And I think... I know... that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
I think people simply don't know how to communicate it.
Or they're too scared to try.
Or they've tried before but nothing happens or changes.
Or... fill in the blank.
So perhaps I don't mean that I wish more was expected of me.
Because as I said, I believe - I know - that it is.
Rather, I wish people would let it be known that which they expect.
[A higher standard, truly.]
December 7, 2010
Half empty..
How can one be encouraged by something said to them that they do not believe to be true - or really, know is not true?
Should they simply remind themselves, "It's the thought that counts!"?
Or should they call the "encourager" out on their falsity?
Even if one was to go with the former option, it is easy to dwell on the fact that the attempted encouragement was basically made up just because... it's the good, Christian thing to do.
If that's honestly the "truth" behind the encouragement - which, in this case, it obviously was - I'd rather not be told anything.
Should they simply remind themselves, "It's the thought that counts!"?
Or should they call the "encourager" out on their falsity?
Even if one was to go with the former option, it is easy to dwell on the fact that the attempted encouragement was basically made up just because... it's the good, Christian thing to do.
If that's honestly the "truth" behind the encouragement - which, in this case, it obviously was - I'd rather not be told anything.
December 5, 2010
Drag
I'm at home.
Got here around noon:thirty on Friday.
Going back as late as I can on Monday. Which, unfortunately, won't be that late... I have work in the late afternoon, meaning I have to leave home around noon.
But really, I'd like to go back around 8 in the evening.
I have no desire to be at school.
No desire at all.
Two.
Two papers due this week.
Two tests to take this week.
Two weeks left.
One week of classes.
One week of finals.
[Six this semester, by the way...]
Gah.
Got here around noon:thirty on Friday.
Going back as late as I can on Monday. Which, unfortunately, won't be that late... I have work in the late afternoon, meaning I have to leave home around noon.
But really, I'd like to go back around 8 in the evening.
I have no desire to be at school.
No desire at all.
Two.
Two papers due this week.
Two tests to take this week.
Two weeks left.
One week of classes.
One week of finals.
[Six this semester, by the way...]
Gah.
December 1, 2010
... FAIL.
I am irritated.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Disappointed.
There is no discipleship WHATSOEVER at CCCB.
Awesome.
Frustrated.
Annoyed.
Disappointed.
There is no discipleship WHATSOEVER at CCCB.
Awesome.
November 17, 2010
Splash
This morning I tie-dyed t-shirts with the [freshmen] SALT group that I lead.
I love those three girls.
I am blessed in leading them each week.
So great.
And man... I really like tie-dye.
I love those three girls.
I am blessed in leading them each week.
So great.
And man... I really like tie-dye.
November 16, 2010
Countdowns and Prophetic Alerts!
David J. Hesselgrave, your book, Paradigms in Conflict, shall be the death of me. But at least now I have a list of all the twentieth century closure idea plans/slogans at my disposal [and you will, too, if you continue reading!].
Yet another reminder that our plans so often just... don't happen or work. Awesome.
1900 - "The evangelization of the world in this generation."
1910 - "The whole church taking the whole gospel the whole world."
1912 - "Reaching every home." Cardboard boxes in alleyways included.
1914 - "Inauguration of the kingdom of God on earth."
1929 - "Each one teach one."
1930 - "Bringing Christ to the nations."
1934 - "Evangelize to a finish to 'bring back the King.'"
1943 - "Into all the world."
1946 - "Complete Christ's Commission."
1956 - "The gospel to every creature." Don't forget the lemurs!
1957 - "Global conquest."
1959 - "Two thousand tongues to go."
1967 - "Crusade for world revival." A crusade? Maybe not the best choice of word... I mean, we all know how the last crusade[s] ended for Christians...
1974 - "Let the earth hear his voice."
1976 - "Bold Missions Thrust."
1980 - "A Church for Every People by the Year 2000." EPIC FAIL.
1984 - "Strategy to Every People."
1986 - "One million native missionaries."
1990 - "Decade of Evangelization."
1995 - "A Church for Every People and the Gospel for Every Person by A.D. 2000."
Yet another reminder that our plans so often just... don't happen or work. Awesome.
1900 - "The evangelization of the world in this generation."
1910 - "The whole church taking the whole gospel the whole world."
1912 - "Reaching every home." Cardboard boxes in alleyways included.
1914 - "Inauguration of the kingdom of God on earth."
1929 - "Each one teach one."
1930 - "Bringing Christ to the nations."
1934 - "Evangelize to a finish to 'bring back the King.'"
1943 - "Into all the world."
1946 - "Complete Christ's Commission."
1956 - "The gospel to every creature." Don't forget the lemurs!
1957 - "Global conquest."
1959 - "Two thousand tongues to go."
1967 - "Crusade for world revival." A crusade? Maybe not the best choice of word... I mean, we all know how the last crusade[s] ended for Christians...
1974 - "Let the earth hear his voice."
1976 - "Bold Missions Thrust."
1980 - "A Church for Every People by the Year 2000." EPIC FAIL.
1984 - "Strategy to Every People."
1986 - "One million native missionaries."
1990 - "Decade of Evangelization."
1995 - "A Church for Every People and the Gospel for Every Person by A.D. 2000."
November 13, 2010
November 9, 2010
Say what?!
This past Friday afternoon, I was at work, lifeguarding at the local YMCA. A man whom I had met last week came in to do some water-walking. And you know something? Before he left, he told me he could tell I was a Christian. I have never been told that before. Ever. Now, he did know that I go to Central Christian College of the Bible; we had had a short conversation prior to his saying that, and he had asked me where I go to school. Yet at the same time, I do feel that he was sincere in what he said, and that it was somewhat implied that he was able to "tell" before he knew anything about me. At least, that is what I want to believe.
Regardless... it made my heart happy.
Regardless... it made my heart happy.
October 21, 2010
CCCpellingB
Central Christian College of the Bible.
Controversy. Conflict. Whatever.
Many people have used Facebook to be their voice of concern, doubt, anger, etc.
Many people have written about the professors that are part of this issue, commenting on their favorite professor and what they love[d] about him.
Oh, such influence and impact they have had on "X".
Their lives have been changed!
And yet, probably three out of four times, these people have not even spelled the professors' names correctly.
Typos aside, of course...
It's just funny to me.
Controversy. Conflict. Whatever.
Many people have used Facebook to be their voice of concern, doubt, anger, etc.
Many people have written about the professors that are part of this issue, commenting on their favorite professor and what they love[d] about him.
Oh, such influence and impact they have had on "X".
Their lives have been changed!
And yet, probably three out of four times, these people have not even spelled the professors' names correctly.
Typos aside, of course...
It's just funny to me.
October 19, 2010
Jose Emanuel
Falsity.
Cowardice.
Two detestable characteristics.
I am at a Bible college.
Where are the people whose upstanding qualities include truthfulness and courage?
Does anyone know the definition of integrity?
... I am quick to say, "No."
Is that necessarily true? Again... "No."
But that is the first "answer" to come to mind.
What a shame.
I wish I had stayed in Utah.
Cowardice.
Two detestable characteristics.
I am at a Bible college.
Where are the people whose upstanding qualities include truthfulness and courage?
Does anyone know the definition of integrity?
... I am quick to say, "No."
Is that necessarily true? Again... "No."
But that is the first "answer" to come to mind.
What a shame.
I wish I had stayed in Utah.
October 18, 2010
Locus
Oh, what I would give to be back on the University of Utah campus in Salt Lake City.
... So that I may sit in one of MY secret places.
Five minutes... that's all I desire.
Five... five minutes... that's all I need.
I had about a dozen places of "refuge" around the U. Some indoor, some outdoor. None were better than another. They all provided me with quiet and peace, and offered an opportunity to rest in a true stillness, drawing near to God.
I have no place like that here.
And I hate it.
... So that I may sit in one of MY secret places.
Five minutes... that's all I desire.
Five... five minutes... that's all I need.
I had about a dozen places of "refuge" around the U. Some indoor, some outdoor. None were better than another. They all provided me with quiet and peace, and offered an opportunity to rest in a true stillness, drawing near to God.
I have no place like that here.
And I hate it.
October 16, 2010
Fade
I love fall.
I do not like the fact that it is a transition phase from summer to winter.
But what can I do?
Until I leave to a place where it is summer- or fall-like for most of the year... nothing.
I can do nothing.
That is, I can do nothing... I suppose... but embrace each day that God gives me with a thankful heart and open mind. And learn from my surroundings. And learn from the people that have seemingly haphazardly been placed in my life - whether I like it or not.
... Whether I like them or not.
Who am I to say whether my circumstances are "right or wrong"?
I do not like the fact that it is a transition phase from summer to winter.
But what can I do?
Until I leave to a place where it is summer- or fall-like for most of the year... nothing.
I can do nothing.
That is, I can do nothing... I suppose... but embrace each day that God gives me with a thankful heart and open mind. And learn from my surroundings. And learn from the people that have seemingly haphazardly been placed in my life - whether I like it or not.
... Whether I like them or not.
Who am I to say whether my circumstances are "right or wrong"?
October 14, 2010
My hand is up.
"All the single ladies..."
Oh, how truly ironic it is that I have this song stuck in my head.
So great.
Oh, how truly ironic it is that I have this song stuck in my head.
So great.
October 7, 2010
I gots mad skillz, yo.
Wow. Really?
[This correlates with my "Harvest of Hope" post in my other blog.]
Today some of what I said in response to "What is a harvest of hope?" was used by the chapel speaker. Cool. Except it was written in such a way that made me sound like an idiot, in my mind. Thankfully, my name was not used in any way, and technically there are only three people [including myself] who would know I was the one to say it. Maybe four, if the recorder told the chapel speaker who said what.
I know that it was hastily written... and thus more like a paraphrase of my response, really. But man oh man... I most certainly answered more eloquently than that which was written down may lead one to believe. I suppose the good thing that came from this is that it made me all the more thankful for the gifts of [formal] oral communication and especially writing, which my Lord God so graciously bestowed upon me.
Oh, how I despise the pride within me.
[This correlates with my "Harvest of Hope" post in my other blog.]
Today some of what I said in response to "What is a harvest of hope?" was used by the chapel speaker. Cool. Except it was written in such a way that made me sound like an idiot, in my mind. Thankfully, my name was not used in any way, and technically there are only three people [including myself] who would know I was the one to say it. Maybe four, if the recorder told the chapel speaker who said what.
I know that it was hastily written... and thus more like a paraphrase of my response, really. But man oh man... I most certainly answered more eloquently than that which was written down may lead one to believe. I suppose the good thing that came from this is that it made me all the more thankful for the gifts of [formal] oral communication and especially writing, which my Lord God so graciously bestowed upon me.
Oh, how I despise the pride within me.
October 6, 2010
COFFEEEEEE.
Well. Over the last hour and eighteen minutes, I have come to realize that it is kind of pointless to have a volunteer at the Harvest House in the morning from 6-8 if nobody knows that person can actually make coffee... and isn't just sitting behind the counter with all the lights on doing homework or something.
Awesome.
Until this is better advertised, I refuse to get up at 5:15 ever again.
Awesome.
Until this is better advertised, I refuse to get up at 5:15 ever again.
October 5, 2010
Scream
I am annoyed.
Irritated.
Frustrated.
I am sad.
Upset.
Disappointed.
And I am MAD.
For the first time since... I don't know when.
I mean, I can honestly say that I do not know the last time that I felt truly mad at or about someone/something. I think that people overuse that word because they do not know how to truly convey what they are feeling. It is easy to say you are mad, even when you are not... especially because it more often than not puts distance between yourself and others, which is usually a good thing when you are mad. At least that's what I desire when I experience such intense feelings.
Anyway.
Watch out, world.
I have no idea how long this will last or what will happen.
I think I will just let it run its course. I have no desire to try and make it just go away. I don't want to fully control it. I want to experience it. It's part of being human and I want to learn from these types of things.
Irritated.
Frustrated.
I am sad.
Upset.
Disappointed.
And I am MAD.
For the first time since... I don't know when.
I mean, I can honestly say that I do not know the last time that I felt truly mad at or about someone/something. I think that people overuse that word because they do not know how to truly convey what they are feeling. It is easy to say you are mad, even when you are not... especially because it more often than not puts distance between yourself and others, which is usually a good thing when you are mad. At least that's what I desire when I experience such intense feelings.
Anyway.
Watch out, world.
I have no idea how long this will last or what will happen.
I think I will just let it run its course. I have no desire to try and make it just go away. I don't want to fully control it. I want to experience it. It's part of being human and I want to learn from these types of things.
September 28, 2010
"Study buddies!!!"
It can be so difficult to do good and help others when a variety of distractions and frustration-inducing factors are being thrown at you from every direction. Even when one supposedly has a "good attitude and work ethic."
September 21, 2010
Items
As I said earlier today to a friend, I have two notable items to present:
"Item number A..."
Yes, I said that.
So.
Moving on.
Item number A:
Today was the last day of summer.
It was really warm... and thus, fitting.
Beautiful day, truly.
Item number B:
I am working on a most excellent, super duper secret surprise.
And I fear that I am not going to be able to work on my homework in an entirely proper fashion until I have finished said surprise. Which could very well take months. Oh dear.
"Item number A..."
Yes, I said that.
So.
Moving on.
Item number A:
Today was the last day of summer.
It was really warm... and thus, fitting.
Beautiful day, truly.
Item number B:
I am working on a most excellent, super duper secret surprise.
And I fear that I am not going to be able to work on my homework in an entirely proper fashion until I have finished said surprise. Which could very well take months. Oh dear.
September 13, 2010
Tender
Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms
Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,
which I gaze on so fondly today,
were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms,
like fairy gifts fading away,
thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art,
let thy loveliness fade as it will;
and around the dear ruin each wish of my heart
would entwine itself verdantly still.
It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,
and thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear,
that the fervor and faith of a soul may be known,
to which time will but make thee more dear!
No, the heart that has truly loved never forges,
but as truly loves on to the close,
as the sunflower turns on her god when he sets
the same look which she turned when he rose!
Thomas Moore
Believe me, if all those endearing young charms,
which I gaze on so fondly today,
were to change by tomorrow, and fleet in my arms,
like fairy gifts fading away,
thou wouldst still be adored, as this moment thou art,
let thy loveliness fade as it will;
and around the dear ruin each wish of my heart
would entwine itself verdantly still.
It is not while beauty and youth are thine own,
and thy cheeks unprofaned by a tear,
that the fervor and faith of a soul may be known,
to which time will but make thee more dear!
No, the heart that has truly loved never forges,
but as truly loves on to the close,
as the sunflower turns on her god when he sets
the same look which she turned when he rose!
Thomas Moore
September 11, 2010
September 1, 2010
Possession
"… he bound the strong man, when he cast out unclean spirits by his word: thus he wrested the sword out of the devil’s hand, that he might wrest the sceptre out of it."
[Matthew Henry]
[Matthew Henry]
August 31, 2010
Haikus
Haikus:
Five.
Seven.
Five.
I have come to love haikus.
Concise.
Intense.
Dramatic.
Hilarious.
No matter how it is written, I appreciate a good haiku.
Unless they rhyme.
Because they're not supposed to, technically...
... and it's irritating [to me] when they do.
Just sayin'.
But seriously.
Haikus are just so much fun.
Write one out today!
Five.
Seven.
Five.
I have come to love haikus.
Concise.
Intense.
Dramatic.
Hilarious.
No matter how it is written, I appreciate a good haiku.
Unless they rhyme.
Because they're not supposed to, technically...
... and it's irritating [to me] when they do.
Just sayin'.
But seriously.
Haikus are just so much fun.
Write one out today!
August 26, 2010
FALL 2010!
Well, I didn't drug myself to sleep... but I did end up going to bed around 9:45. That will, I'm sure, be the only time this semester/year I will be in bed before 10:00. It was pretty nice, but I ended up waking up really early [5:30] and couldn't fall back asleep... I was too excited!
I've been to almost all of my classes; I have one more today and tomorrow I'll go to one more class for the first time. Oh, and chapel, but that doesn't really count. So far I'm thinking I'll enjoy all my classes... just to varying degrees. Here's a curveball: the class I thought I would like least, may end up being one of my favorites; the class I thought I would like most may be one of my least favorites. Interesting, eh?
This semester I'm taking:
Old Testament Prophets
Theology of Missions
Advanced Communication: Lessons
Modern Church History
Life of Christ II
Advanced Biblical Theology
And of course, everybody's favorite: SALT [301]
I love my schedule.
I've been to almost all of my classes; I have one more today and tomorrow I'll go to one more class for the first time. Oh, and chapel, but that doesn't really count. So far I'm thinking I'll enjoy all my classes... just to varying degrees. Here's a curveball: the class I thought I would like least, may end up being one of my favorites; the class I thought I would like most may be one of my least favorites. Interesting, eh?
This semester I'm taking:
Old Testament Prophets
Theology of Missions
Advanced Communication: Lessons
Modern Church History
Life of Christ II
Advanced Biblical Theology
And of course, everybody's favorite: SALT [301]
I love my schedule.
August 25, 2010
Impatient
I'm sincerely thinking about drugging myself to sleep in a few hours.
I cannot wait for school to start tomorrow.
I'm glad I have an 8:00 class.
The rest of today is going to go by so slowly.
I cannot wait for school to start tomorrow.
I'm glad I have an 8:00 class.
The rest of today is going to go by so slowly.
August 21, 2010
dfajkoeuvkmz
Back and forth, back and forth.
I am so tired of not knowing what to do.
Or even think, practically.
Or feel.
I understand it's all part of being human.
And for most, this could be considered complicated.
Difficult.
Challenging.
That would be just fine with me.
The only thing is... this isn't complicated.
This isn't difficult.
Not for me, anyway.
It's just... confusing.
And I don't like that.
I appreciate clarity.
I feel like I've looked at this from all angles.
All facets have been observed, analyzed, and reviewed.
Multiple times, even.
Yet I can't seem to figure it out.
And I most certainly can't decide what I want to do.
Big surprise.
I am so tired of not knowing what to do.
Or even think, practically.
Or feel.
I understand it's all part of being human.
And for most, this could be considered complicated.
Difficult.
Challenging.
That would be just fine with me.
The only thing is... this isn't complicated.
This isn't difficult.
Not for me, anyway.
It's just... confusing.
And I don't like that.
I appreciate clarity.
I feel like I've looked at this from all angles.
All facets have been observed, analyzed, and reviewed.
Multiple times, even.
Yet I can't seem to figure it out.
And I most certainly can't decide what I want to do.
Big surprise.
August 11, 2010
August 8, 2010
"I'm a saint."
I go back to school in a couple weeks.
I'm stoked.
More than you will ever know.
Or could ever imagine, even.
That's all I've got.
I'm stoked.
More than you will ever know.
Or could ever imagine, even.
That's all I've got.
August 5, 2010
Smile
Ohhhh boy.
Literally, boy.
It's interesting how people can have an affect on you.
A desire to learn.
To adapt.
Sometimes even change.
In ways that are good.
Positive.
It's not forced.
Sweet, sweet time.
My time.
God's time.
Hand-in-hand, really.
It's good.
Just... good.
Literally, boy.
It's interesting how people can have an affect on you.
A desire to learn.
To adapt.
Sometimes even change.
In ways that are good.
Positive.
It's not forced.
Sweet, sweet time.
My time.
God's time.
Hand-in-hand, really.
It's good.
Just... good.
July 30, 2010
Different
I have painted my nails six times in my life. That I remember, at least... the last time was two days ago.
[Black. Why not?
My mom did, of course, call me a devil worshiper.
She was kidding.
But seriously.
Thanks, Mutti.]
The time before that was in ninth grade.
Oh, wait.
Tenth grade.
[Purple. With a hint of sparkle.]
Oh, ps: I really wish I was ambidextrous, let me tell you...
Anyway, I couldn't really tell you what happened. I just felt this great desire to paint my nails. So I did. I had to actually go out and buy nail polish. No big deal. But still. It was just... weird. I think, however, it was because I simply wanted something different. A change. Subtle. But desperately needed. Besides, I knew that if I didn't like it or want it anymore, I could just take it off. Easy.
I like that.
Retouch.
Redo.
Get rid of.
Change.
No consequences.
No regrets.
No tears.
Simple.
[Black. Why not?
My mom did, of course, call me a devil worshiper.
She was kidding.
But seriously.
Thanks, Mutti.]
The time before that was in ninth grade.
Oh, wait.
Tenth grade.
[Purple. With a hint of sparkle.]
Oh, ps: I really wish I was ambidextrous, let me tell you...
Anyway, I couldn't really tell you what happened. I just felt this great desire to paint my nails. So I did. I had to actually go out and buy nail polish. No big deal. But still. It was just... weird. I think, however, it was because I simply wanted something different. A change. Subtle. But desperately needed. Besides, I knew that if I didn't like it or want it anymore, I could just take it off. Easy.
I like that.
Retouch.
Redo.
Get rid of.
Change.
No consequences.
No regrets.
No tears.
Simple.
July 17, 2010
Wings
I am so ready to get out of here.
What a ridiculous summer.
You know how it's said that between the time you start high school and graduate college, you should have at least one AWESOME summer? Yeah. I've never had that. Boohiss. Whatever. I'm over it. I just have no one to talk to, so I'm letting it all out here. Is that sad, or what? I wasn't going to blog over the summer, but I couldn't help myself. Pathetic.
Three cheers for pity parties!
I just want to complain.
And yell.
And argue.
And tell people off.
But I can't.
And I hate that.
Can you say "heart issue"?
I wish I could fly.
What a ridiculous summer.
You know how it's said that between the time you start high school and graduate college, you should have at least one AWESOME summer? Yeah. I've never had that. Boohiss. Whatever. I'm over it. I just have no one to talk to, so I'm letting it all out here. Is that sad, or what? I wasn't going to blog over the summer, but I couldn't help myself. Pathetic.
Three cheers for pity parties!
I just want to complain.
And yell.
And argue.
And tell people off.
But I can't.
And I hate that.
Can you say "heart issue"?
I wish I could fly.
July 10, 2010
"I smell like FREEDOM."
Only one person will "get" my title for this post.
I like that.
......
Our minds are incredible.
Hey God... thank You.
......
Innocent.
Gentle.
[Perfect.]
Now?
Electric.
I like that.
......
Our minds are incredible.
Hey God... thank You.
......
Innocent.
Gentle.
[Perfect.]
Now?
Electric.
June 23, 2010
Sad
Oh, how I long for contact.
The physicality of relationships is important.
I don't mean this in the sense that people have to be touching.
There's something about simply being in someone's presence that can be good - or bad - for us.
Just think about it.
A goofy friend.
A friendly stranger.
A strange boss.
A bossy child.
A childish coworker.
Family.
Friends.
Acquaintances.
Authority figures.
The list goes on.
Being in the presence of these people will bring about emotions and feelings and thoughts that make us react in different ways. We will do and say things that we never thought we would do or say in front of "him". We will ask questions that make us seem bold... or stupid... to "her". We will be loud and obnoxious or quiet and shy for seemingly the first time in our entire lives around "them".
Why?
Well.
"It just depends."
But yes... contact is important.
And I don't have it.
At least not in the form I truly desire.
I feel like I have no one.
No one to feel stupid around.
No one to be loud and obnoxious or quiet and shy around.
No one to ask questions to.
No one to listen to.
No one to talk with.
I am surrounded by people at my places of work.
We have "discussion questions" to post and respond to for my classes.
I am so lonely.
Being in the presence of "these people" is, I'm sorry to say, a bad thing.
I do not want to be where I am.
I do not want to work or take classes.
I want to go... anywhere.
Anywhere but here.
I want to do... anything.
Anything but this.
But I can't.
I'm trapped.
The physicality of relationships is important.
I don't mean this in the sense that people have to be touching.
There's something about simply being in someone's presence that can be good - or bad - for us.
Just think about it.
A goofy friend.
A friendly stranger.
A strange boss.
A bossy child.
A childish coworker.
Family.
Friends.
Acquaintances.
Authority figures.
The list goes on.
Being in the presence of these people will bring about emotions and feelings and thoughts that make us react in different ways. We will do and say things that we never thought we would do or say in front of "him". We will ask questions that make us seem bold... or stupid... to "her". We will be loud and obnoxious or quiet and shy for seemingly the first time in our entire lives around "them".
Why?
Well.
"It just depends."
But yes... contact is important.
And I don't have it.
At least not in the form I truly desire.
I feel like I have no one.
No one to feel stupid around.
No one to be loud and obnoxious or quiet and shy around.
No one to ask questions to.
No one to listen to.
No one to talk with.
I am surrounded by people at my places of work.
We have "discussion questions" to post and respond to for my classes.
I am so lonely.
Being in the presence of "these people" is, I'm sorry to say, a bad thing.
I do not want to be where I am.
I do not want to work or take classes.
I want to go... anywhere.
Anywhere but here.
I want to do... anything.
Anything but this.
But I can't.
I'm trapped.
June 1, 2010
May 10, 2010
"21"
"Happy Birthday!" to me.
I have lived twenty-one years and approximately nine months. Fantastic. How am I celebrating? By taking a Restoration History final and studying for four other finals. It's truly the best route to take when it comes to celebrating. Three cheers!
I have lived twenty-one years and approximately nine months. Fantastic. How am I celebrating? By taking a Restoration History final and studying for four other finals. It's truly the best route to take when it comes to celebrating. Three cheers!
May 8, 2010
April 16, 2010
Wanted: Kansas
I feel like I am in the land of Oz.
I am not comparing myself to Dorothy.
... Those shoes were so ugly.
But I do feel like I am surrounded by Tin Men, Lions, and Scarecrows.
Not for the friends that they are to Dorothy.
But for what those three characters each lacked.
Oh, and the guy supposedly in charge? The Wizard?
Remember how he turned out to be a complete phony?
Yeah.
Multiple Wizards, really.
I have nothing else to say.
I am not comparing myself to Dorothy.
... Those shoes were so ugly.
But I do feel like I am surrounded by Tin Men, Lions, and Scarecrows.
Not for the friends that they are to Dorothy.
But for what those three characters each lacked.
Oh, and the guy supposedly in charge? The Wizard?
Remember how he turned out to be a complete phony?
Yeah.
Multiple Wizards, really.
I have nothing else to say.
April 4, 2010
March 29, 2010
Self-righteousness?
Wow.
People keep saying they care.
But they sure do have a funny way of showing it.
Cliché.
I don't care.
People keep saying they care.
But they sure do have a funny way of showing it.
Cliché.
I don't care.
March 23, 2010
Start
"... Let me forget the world and be swallowed up in a desire to glorify God."
- Henry Martyn
A beautiful journey.
- Henry Martyn
A beautiful journey.
March 17, 2010
"This is for you!"
You know life is good when you spend time making up wordless songs - most of which center around the same few notes - and just laugh over and over and over.
Beautiful.
Days later, I'm still laughing.
Beautiful.
Days later, I'm still laughing.
March 11, 2010
100
I love acing tests.
[Ohhh, pride. I love that, too.]
It makes up for... well... a lot.
It makes up for things like busywork.
- I thought I had already graduated from high school.
And required chapel attendance.
- I would go to chapel even if it were not required. But the fact that attendance is mandatory makes me want to not be there. Not to mention spring is well on its way and I love the ten-noon time frame of spring days... Just sayin'.
And limited places to study. Quiet areas.
- The library? Oh, I think you mean the on-campus zoo...
And constant gossip. My favorite is hearing it from the older [non-traditional] students.
- Grow up.
I'm done.
Wait.
And sporadic make out sessions in the Harvest House and Spurling lobby.
- Ew.
Now I'm done.
How many times do I say that it's easier to focus on the negative than the positive?
......
It's been in my system for a long time.
I needed to get it out.
I love my school.
I love my classes.
I love my peers.
But sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore.
And then I remember why I'm here.
And a love song for my Lord God resonates in my mind and heart as He satisfies my hungry spirit with grace, peace, and joy.
Renewed.
The dust settles.
I can breathe again.
[Ohhh, pride. I love that, too.]
It makes up for... well... a lot.
It makes up for things like busywork.
- I thought I had already graduated from high school.
And required chapel attendance.
- I would go to chapel even if it were not required. But the fact that attendance is mandatory makes me want to not be there. Not to mention spring is well on its way and I love the ten-noon time frame of spring days... Just sayin'.
And limited places to study. Quiet areas.
- The library? Oh, I think you mean the on-campus zoo...
And constant gossip. My favorite is hearing it from the older [non-traditional] students.
- Grow up.
I'm done.
Wait.
And sporadic make out sessions in the Harvest House and Spurling lobby.
- Ew.
Now I'm done.
How many times do I say that it's easier to focus on the negative than the positive?
......
It's been in my system for a long time.
I needed to get it out.
I love my school.
I love my classes.
I love my peers.
But sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore.
And then I remember why I'm here.
And a love song for my Lord God resonates in my mind and heart as He satisfies my hungry spirit with grace, peace, and joy.
Renewed.
The dust settles.
I can breathe again.
March 9, 2010
February 23, 2010
February 19, 2010
Love
Natalie is patient, Natalie is kind.
Natalie does not envy, Natalie does not boast, Natalie is not proud.
Natalie is not rude, Natalie is not self-seeking, Natalie is not easily angered, Natalie keeps no record of wrongs.
Natalie does no delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Natalie always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Natalie never fails.
[1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, based on me.]
... If only...
Natalie does not envy, Natalie does not boast, Natalie is not proud.
Natalie is not rude, Natalie is not self-seeking, Natalie is not easily angered, Natalie keeps no record of wrongs.
Natalie does no delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Natalie always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Natalie never fails.
[1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, based on me.]
... If only...
February 17, 2010
February 7, 2010
January 24, 2010
Wedding
My friend Lauren just asked me to be a replacement bridesmaid for her wedding in July. One of Lauren's friends gave her some big news and also announced that she may not even be in Missouri in July after all. So Lauren asked me to help her out and seriously...
... how could I say no?!
She is so sweet. And I love that she and Taylor love one another. Their marriage is going to be a beautiful journey.
Three cheers.
... how could I say no?!
She is so sweet. And I love that she and Taylor love one another. Their marriage is going to be a beautiful journey.
Three cheers.
January 22, 2010
Blinded
'Create in her a sense of awe that sees Your beauty,
let Your splendor flash with blinding light.'
[Five Iron Frenzy's Something Like Laughter]
The above verse comes from one of my favorite songs. It's been my... gosh, I don't know... mantra [for lack of a better word]? for the past year or so. I just think it's a great way to say that I do want to experience God's beauty and realize His greatness day after day. My Lord God has allowed me these things, by His grace and kindness. And not just once or twice. It is a constant in my life now, and I am so grateful for this. God's beauty surrounds me in the people and world He has created! Cliché? Perhaps. But it's how I feel and I'm not going to make excuses for my feelings. And God's splendor does flash with blinding light... if you take time to focus on the throne of God, you will understand. Yet through these flashes of 'blinding' light, my eyes have been opened to many things.
[His goodness.]
[His faithfulness.]
[His power.]
And to how greatly He loves me.
I am so blessed.
let Your splendor flash with blinding light.'
[Five Iron Frenzy's Something Like Laughter]
The above verse comes from one of my favorite songs. It's been my... gosh, I don't know... mantra [for lack of a better word]? for the past year or so. I just think it's a great way to say that I do want to experience God's beauty and realize His greatness day after day. My Lord God has allowed me these things, by His grace and kindness. And not just once or twice. It is a constant in my life now, and I am so grateful for this. God's beauty surrounds me in the people and world He has created! Cliché? Perhaps. But it's how I feel and I'm not going to make excuses for my feelings. And God's splendor does flash with blinding light... if you take time to focus on the throne of God, you will understand. Yet through these flashes of 'blinding' light, my eyes have been opened to many things.
[His goodness.]
[His faithfulness.]
[His power.]
And to how greatly He loves me.
I am so blessed.
January 19, 2010
Haze
I think we can read our Bibles and pray all we want, yet not truly experience God. We need to be intentional and actually think about what we're doing. A lack of focus means a lack of clarity.
Time to change that.
ENCOUNTER.
Time to change that.
ENCOUNTER.
January 1, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)